The headline on the advice column was "Dealing With An Unwanted Pregnancy." It appeared at askmen.com, an online "men's magazine." The column evidently embarrassed a publication that, on first blush, you wouldn't think would be embarrassed by much. It's no longer available at the website.
Written by Isabella Snow ("Sex Education Correspondent"), the pep talk is about what to do if your lady friend is pregnant, is balking at an abortion, and while you want the kid to end, you don't necessarily want the "relationship" to end. I won't but could go on at length about what is a twice-over, deeply manipulative column.
By that I mean the advice is intended to offer pointers on how to get around the fact that for "some women, getting pregnant can start clocks ticking and make them suddenly want to be mothers, despite previous agreements") but not at the expense of making the guy (who is coaxing her into having an abortion) feel like he has not been unsupportive.
In a series of "Prenatal prep[s]," Snow instructs her audience (presumably virtually all of whom are men) to let the woman talk freely (this "shows that you actually value her feelings"); to not call the "unwanted pregnancy" an "it" ("too many times, and she's going to start feeling like she needs to defend 'it' from you"); to sit together on the sofa while you're having "this conversion" to simulate intimacy (and reduce "eye contact"); to be careful with "word choice" ("pregnant women tend to feel like they're carrying someone, as opposed to something, even if she is just a month or so pregnant"); to not come across "as whiny" ("These changes are significant, but you don't want to make it sound like you'll be more affected than she will"); to give good reasons for your position (ask her "Who's going to care for the baby while you're working? Will you have to move to a new home? Will you have to sell your Harley and get a station wagon?"), etc., etc., etc.
And when it's all this is done-- if after all the "Prenatal preps"-- "your woman decides to have the baby anyway, this does not mean you're required to get married or move in together." You probably want to consider forking over some money, but "This was her decision, not yours, and the bulk of the responsibility is now hers."
But, wait, Ms. Snow offers one last gambit. "Take a moment to spell this out for her when she gives you the final decision; it may just sway her over to your side."
So after carefully considering her feelings, your tone, your body language, how you sit, and the like--the high road, so to speak-- if she doesn't see things your way, there's always your trump card--the threat to effectively abandon her.
A Letter to the Editor
6 years ago