Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot

NEW ORLEANS–Critics were silenced today after President Barack Obama's fifth visit to the Gulf Coast vastly improved the devastated region. While at the site of the worst oil spill in U.S. history, the president walked on a beach, looked at oil-soaked terns, and displayed the right amount of anger toward BP executives, all of which, sources said, should pretty much clear up the massive environmental disaster in a matter of days. "I really didn't think the president did enough in his first four visits," Louisiana fisherman Kevin Latrobe said. "Everyone knows you have to visit five times to make a difference. And sure enough, look! The pelicans already seem a little cleaner!" Some opponents still blasted the president for his trip, saying that they wanted something more substantial than political grandstanding, like a sixth or a ninth visit to the region. — The Onion